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2011-02-24T18:22:00.001+01:00

HERE:

xMark WordPress Theme v1.0

2010-01-06T11:46:00.003+01:00

After one hour of browsing, me and my project manager chose this design for panno.se

xMark WordPress Theme v1.0

What do you think?

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New Homesite

2010-01-03T18:00:00.004+01:00

It has been an issue for me for some months now: I need a new homesite!

I removed everything already from the one I had before and just reserved a warm armchair at WordPress. Panno.se looks like this:

Well, right now nothing fancy. Have to wait until i decide about everything and that will take a little time. The actual design doesn't take that much effort if you use WordPress. It's all the planning before.

So what is the very first stage of making own website: brainstorming, collecting info, tips, comparing with others and finally collapsing on the sofa.

For brainstorming I use XMind. Loads of fun. ;-) The Plan right now looks like a really ugly spider from Chernobyl (aka some extra-extra legs with lumps on). The Plan in my head looks even fuzzier. Sticking to the spider simile, like the net made by the spider on LSD.

What I actually do is to find some blogs about blogs, homesites about homesites. It's not that complicated to find them, they are numerous. That's the problem. There's too much info. I'm sitting on the sofa being overloaded and almost paralized. But the show must go on.

More updates about updates soon!

2009 Landscape and Dogs

2010-01-01T11:55:00.000+01:00

(photo: Martin Larsson)

International Hangover Day

2010-01-01T11:37:00.003+01:00

(Photo: Martin Larsson)

The first of the 24

2009-12-30T20:06:00.004+01:00

Looking back to the Advent-project // I decided to add some lines to the pictures. Hope you enjoy it!!!

1/24
Being in the Dark

The darkest season of the year. We light as many candles as possible, and adventlights so that the seasonal depression does NOT ruin our most precious holiday, the birth of LIGHT. - says the picture.

My brother felt some resemblance between the red figure and our mom. Angry Nancy - he commented. And good that mom doesn't read this blog.

Sunday mumblings

2009-12-27T19:43:00.005+01:00

What did i want to say? oh yeah, a little summary of everything i had wanted to blog about but lost inspiration (due to personal issues with depression)

seen and smelled Eddie Izzard in Oslo the other day
worked myself to exhaustion and had loads of pain last week and the week before
was surprised that one of the biggest local foodstores, called Konsum underestimated the consumption and they had empty shelves before/during Christmas
started reading but has very little motivation
finished the Advent-project with lots of sweat and tears in btw
listened to iPhone with huuuuge studio headphones (Spotify Premium all around the village..hehehehe)
by the way iPhone i'm twittering and facebooking day and night :-P
almost forgot that I survived Christmas without daughter, with Martin's relatives - got stomach,gall or/and kidney problem recently, and it started before Christmas with loss of apetite, so not much foodie food for me this year

Comments?

The word longing after is "epekedik" in Hungarian, stem is "epe" which means gall. OK, now put it together. I'm longing, longing, longing after something/one I'm not supposed to get, right? or what then? I feel misplaced. Haven't been able to read for ages, not to talk about writing. It's kind of abnormal for a literature teacher, I guess. All right, give it up, give it up! Find something else, new...Damn it! easy to say. I'm lost. Must be some meaning in it. otherwise it just looks suffering for me. ;-) Well, there are several ways of fucking up your life. I chose the "play death". See you next year!

PS Even transvestite lesbians make me horny. :-P

Punk Kitty

2009-12-25T17:35:00.000+01:00

astrological comfort zone overhaul...coming up!

2009-12-23T09:14:00.003+01:00

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

There's a critical influence headed our way that has the power to change our lives. Between now and February 2010, and again in August 2010, the faceoff between Saturn and Pluto will rattle your comfort zone if you've been choosing security and stagnation over emotional and spiritual growth. Comfort zone overhaul In a nutshell, here's what's going on . . .

Saturn is the foundation on which we stand in the material world. It's the economic and political systems we rely on in our daily lives. Saturn is also the planet of karma and responsibility. Conversely, Pluto is the destroyer that brings about rebirth. It's Pluto's job to demolish outmoded ways of doing things so we can begin anew and live our highest destiny. You can view Pluto as a devil or a sword-wielding angel depending on how you feel about change.

From terror to transformation So now these two superpowers are battling it out in a square (90-degree) aspect, which is creating a powder keg of energy that's sure to shake things up. The last time Saturn and Pluto collided was during an opposition (180-degree) aspect in the summer of 2001. The terrorist attacks of the time plunged the world into social and economic upheaval, which led to far-reaching reforms. Rooting out evil behavior is Pluto's job, too.

Out with the old . . . Currently, on a global level, we've already seen a glimpse of the Saturn-Pluto square in the decimation of financial markets and once-powerful corporations. You can also see the struggle between Saturn (status quo) and Pluto (reform) in the transformation of the U.S. health-care system. And we're just in the beginning stages of this powerful influence!

As if this weren't enough . . . Uranus ups the ante of change when it transits into Aries in May 2010, forming a cardinal T-cross with Saturn and Pluto over the summer, and beyond. The last time these three titans clashed was in the mid-'60s, when social and racial upheaval launched a paradigm shift in how we relate to each other. Obviously, it's time for a new level of enlightenment through the destruction of barriers that keep us from progressing.

What this means for you You'll feel this influence immediately - in some fashion - if you have cardinal planets or other key placements in your chart in an early degree of Aries, Cancer, Libra or Capricorn. Depending on where these points are located in your chart will determine how you'll be affected - and how strongly. Most important, it's time to do some soul searching about attitudes, patterns and people that are part of your life but are holding you back from growing. It's usually best to deal with astrological influences from the inside out, especially if you have a head's up about what's coming. So go inside and ask yourself where you feel stuck. Are you staying in a relationship that's not supporting your dreams and goals? Are you on autopilot in a dead-end job? Are you slogging your way through financial quicksand? All of these outer struggles stem from inner emotional patterns that keep you from progressing. What's more, any resistance you have to making needed changes is your Saturn talking. It's the part of you that craves the security of knowing where you stand, as opposed to exploring new - and potentially unsuccessful - avenues. Strive to work with the heightened Pluto energy, which has a profound psychological component, by examining, working through and eliminating negative patterns. Taking time for introspection, meditation, therapy - whatever works for you - will help you to deal with whatever comes up during the Saturn-Pluto square. If some area of your life starts to mirror the Saturn-Pluto battle - that is, if this influence starts kicking your derrière - be still, take a breath and try to see what part of your life needs to change. After all (although this sounds trite), everything does indeed happen for a reason.

And here's something to keep in mind: You may not be in control of what's happening, but you do have control over how you react to the people and situations surrounding the challenge. And remember, any challenges that arise are meant to help you get in touch with your soul's destiny.

from Cortney Litwin www.californiapsychics.com

Sushi-party in Eigst

2009-12-11T13:50:00.004+01:00

Last night there were two blinking police cars which draw my attention to the motorway E6 nearby. We have perfect view from out house towards the gas station and the E6, and since one of the police cars was blinking at the gas station, I thought there was something happening there. There is a rather big parking lot with lots of trucks usually, it's the very last stop for them (and perhaps for some smugglers and drug dealers as well) before the Norwegian border.

My boyfriend was out walking the dogs, so I was a little bit worried about them too. But as they came back, I got a report about the events. there was a truck driving from Norway south on the E6, and where the motorway ends, and the speedlimit drops from 110 km/h to 50 km/h because of road construction, it tilted and 25 tons of fishguts poured on the road and around.

Well, the exact place is called Eigst, and before the roadconstruction i had a friend living there. He was an old hermit only living for his plants, among them real rare examples which was demolished when they started reconstructing the E6. Of course he had to move, but he couldn't move all the trees and shrubbery which surrended his house.

Among the trees was an 8 meter tall wonderful larch from the Kuril Islands (Larix gmelinii var. japonica). Not very many examples of this tree in Sweden. I was deeply touched when I heard that the trees would be cut down. But now I can feel a bit as if it was the revenge of the Kuril larch that the whole truckload if fishguts got to envelope the constructing area.

It took a while to clean up that 25 tons of biological weapon , and I can imagine, this morning the construction workers could still feel the ground stinking.

Eigst used to be a magical place: the old botanist and his exotic collection, sandlizzards, dancing fairies and trolls...And now they have no home. It was the least they could do to express their disapointment with making the road stink! :-)

Treating Depression With Reiki

2009-12-10T11:39:00.002+01:00

By Peter Tremayne

Reiki Masters believe that thought is energy vibrating at a very high frequency while the human body is energy vibrating at a lower frequency. Vibrations produce actions and actions produce reactions at grosser and grosser levels of frequency in a ripple effect!

While positive thoughts are universally acknowledged to manifest as health, negative thoughts are held to produce disease or lack of ease. Mental disease is manifested as depression, depressive psychosis, mania or even schizophrenia.

Treating depression with Reiki is fast becoming a sought-after alternative to modern drugs. Reiki deals with depression as negative energy. Negative energy manifests at the aura level as imbalance in the Chakras or energy centres and is visible to the Reiki practitioner as grey or black spots in the aura. Imbalance of the energy centres causes reactions at a physical level, for the energy centre governs the health or disease of the organs and endocrine glands located within its purview.

VERY MERRY XMAS!

2009-12-06T17:48:00.002+01:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Links for the week from Beyond Meds

2009-11-27T10:01:00.005+01:00

Posting from Beyond Meds (some weekend readings):

Links for the week

‘Mental illness gene’ discovered by Scots scientists I hate this sort of research, not because it’s 100% baseless, while there may be a very loose link to genes and mental health that is worth researching this sort of reporting of the results encourages the belief that one cannot change and that mental illness is forever when in fact the theory of neuroplasticity suggests the opposite. Genes and DNA both are not always deterministic. This sort of stuff shouldn’t be reported unless all the implications are covered. People need to know that DNA and genes are not always deterministic…and there is a huge move to deny people that knowledge. And this partial knowledge leads to the belief that one cannot heal and that one must take meds for the rest of their lives. Both conclusions I’ve seen disproven again and again.

Wonder drug that stole my memory – Statins have been hailed as a miracle cure for cholesterol, but little is known about their side effects. Also in most cases diet and exercise can change cholesterol enough. What’s more what is considered “high” cholesterol is overblown. There are some instances in which genetics do play and part and it really is a dangerous situation, but in most instances it’s hype that has been created by pharma. One need not take dangerous meds in most cases. Educate yourself before making any decisions.

Brazilian mint tea ‘as effective as pain-relief drugs’ | Society | guardian.co.uk (the actual herb is “hyptis crenata”)
BBC News – ‘Doctors should stop pushing drugs at depressed people’ – and cognitive therapy as mentioned in the article is certainly not the only alternative and only sometimes the appropriate alternative. There are as many ways to recovery as there are people.

Nanoparticles In Everyday Items Caused Genetic Damage In Mice — messing with nature, such a good idea…

Omega-3 Fats versus Statin Drugs? – Blog – Susan B. Dopart M.S., R.D.

Merck – Vioxx: Adverse Heart Effects May have Been Identified Years Earlier — PharmaGossip

The Carlat Psychiatry Blog: Brian Vastag’s Concise Review of How Drug Companies Use CME for Marketing

A tale of two boys – NEC Article an all too common story of destruction juxtaposed with how simple recovery might have been

Pill-popping approach to female libido | Christine Ottery | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk — Someone talking sense about the female VIAGRA crap. From the article: “However, some are concerned that FSD has been fabricated to monetise women’s sexual insecurities. An article in the journal Sexualities posits that the pharmaceutical industry was looking to replicate the £1bn success of Viagra and so introduced the concept of female sexual dysfunction.”

BBC News – Morphine ‘might spread cancer’ (all opiate drugs)

Meditation Halves Risk of Heart Attack Science Now

Get over it

2009-11-26T19:06:00.002+01:00

“Telling a person with PTSD to ‘get over it’ is kind of like trying to heal a broken bone by hitting it with a hammer.”

Rumi words

2009-11-26T16:18:00.000+01:00

Those who don’t feel this Love
pulling them like a river,
those who don’t drink dawn
like a cup of spring water
or take in sunset like supper,
those who don’t want to change,
let them sleep.
This Love is beyond the study of theology,
that old trickery and hypocrisy.
If you want to improve your mind that way,
sleep on.
I’ve given up on my brain.
I’ve torn the cloth to shreds
and thrown it away.
If you’re not completely naked,
wrap your beautiful robe of words
around you,
and sleep.

- Rumi

Me, Myself and I

2009-11-26T13:11:00.004+01:00

Working with myself and the ultimate reality for a while now, I can pretty much confirm that the ego and the self are not the same thing. I know it from experience, though this sounds a bit lofty, right?

Well, let's approach it from the point of love. (Hmmm love, what else? "Bad habit", I'm a buddhist. LOL) When we believe we love ourselves most of the time we just pamper our ego. I often get the advice: be a little bit nice to yourself, pamper yourself with a nice bath, a rejuvenating massage, some good food etc. That's easy! Only give a little space and time for yourself and done. And in the bathtub looking at my big stomach I call myself a fat slut, at the masseur I start longing after sex and at the same time I call myself a slut again, and guess how shameful I feel like after eating a nice dinner! Yes, I'm talking about these thoughts. If someone else said these things to me, it would be an insult. But when I do it, I don't even realize what I'm doing. Wonderful!

I was at Vivation course this weekend, and some of the masks of the ego fell down and suddenly - in a deep meditative state of mind - I was alone with myself. No ego buzzing around. Just me and myself. It was a bit scarry though, not often can I see myself this way. And the very first time in my life I was able to look at myself as I am, and even generate genuine love towards myself. It was scarry and at the same time very touching. Me as a wise and beautiful angel looking at a frightenered little girl the first time in this lifetime after 40 years of living next to each other speechless, most of the time ignorantly hovering around each other.

And do you know how I said hi to myself? I said: HELLO, KITTY! - and all this in damn serious deep meditation! Still makes me smile. HELLO, KITTY!

HELLO, KITTY! - I smiled at myself and took my hands and started hovering in the air with 2-3 more angels.

And this I would call unconditioned love, the realization of self(lessness). Precious moment. Because the ego is right away back like a guarddog which never sleeps. :-)

So to make love myself I don't really need anything but myself and a little bit of more practice of deep meditation. Very good, because it doesn't even depend on if I can afford a massage or a nice dinner!

;-)

Food for the Soul

2009-11-25T11:55:00.000+01:00

Intelligent dogs, trainable humans

2009-11-25T11:11:00.008+01:00

Many of you already know that I have a Tibetan mastiff bitch. She's almost two years old now, and growing up she's leaving her puppylike behaviour behind.

Well, it's been an intensive 2 years of training, I must say. There were no days same. And since I'm a very responsible dog/cat owner - or better say friend, I tried to work with her consequently. It's been (and is still) a very dynamic personality forming and reforming process between 2 humans, 2 dogs (of totally different breed and behaviour, our other is a precious terrier) and a cat. OUR FLOCK. We have a correspondant member as well: my daughter. :-)

Our flock last winter

I must say, Tibetan Mastiff is a breed you don't take it seriously, you might not only damage the dog's life, but can get damaged yourself ;-) (Some descriptions of the breed can be though a bit frightening or to some degree exaggerated, but I wouldn't say there is no truth in them!)

Yesterday evening when my bitch was lying next to me and I could feel her breath in my neck, and I was enjoying her presence so much, I started thinking about breeding her. She is beautiful and has a good temperament - would be wonderful to see how her puppies would look like. My next thought was what to do with the puppies. No matter how much I would like to keep all of them, I should find new families for them. Selling a TM-puppy is a big responsibility in my opinion. Me loving animals would not be able to see them suffer. Brummi, my dog is almost like a daughter for me, and I wouldn't just sell my grandkids to some cruel or ignorant humans!

If we ever had puppies, I would help the new owners as much as I could, because living and working with TMs is tough, especially this first 2 very intensive years. And then you can't still just leave it as it is - that would ruin your work completely.

A Tibetan Mastiff is continously a challenge - but believe me, the results are just amazing! Strong friendship, unconditioned love and warmth, a balanced body with wonderfully smooth fur (no "dogsmell"), honesty and intelligence:

Photo of Hamish taken by Wes McCrum

After Vivation course

2009-11-23T14:15:00.007+01:00

I have an aquintance in Gothenburg who works with Vivation.

According to Wikipedia:

Vivation is a feeling based meditation. The primary difference between Vivation and other types of meditation is its emphasis on maintaining awareness of the strongest feeling in the body on an ongoing basis. In this way, the experience itself guides and instructs the practitioner where to go next. In Vivation no distinction is made between emotions or sensations, as both are experienced kinesthetically. In Vivation, there is no requirement to quiet the mind. If the mind is overly active, the practitioner simply continues noticing what that feels like in the body. Because of its emphasis on feelings, there is no mental or cognitive component to Vivation. Vivation practitioners claim that by connecting directly to the physical feelings in the body, negative thoughts about those feelings are bypassed, resulting in a much more honest and pleasurable experience. From the perspective of Vivation, there is no such thing as negative feelings, only negative thoughts about those feelings. Feelings once experienced openly and honestly, are inherently positive and blissful. Practitioners claim that by relaxing the mind and body and paying attention to the feelings already present, any "make wrong" about those feelings is relaxed too. This results in a relaxation or "melting" of body armor (see Wilhelm Reich). When a feeling is integrated, the physiological energy keeping the emotion suppressed is now released, resulting in a feeling of bliss (see Sananda). According to Vivation everything integrates. Every integration is permanent and represents a step forward in the individuals autonomy, freedom and liberation. READ MORE

I can't say that I'm not still under the influence of the experience I have had. It was an intensive weekend-course held by my friend. Sometimes I thought it was way too boring because I didn't find anything new in it; sometimes I thought it was too much talk, but at the same time, I wouldn't have been able to ""vive" any more, because it was very intensive when we were "in action"; other times I just wanted to go away - the mind protesting against being reveiled and dethroned. Shaking emotions, mixed memories.

There is nothing new in it. It is a combination of many useful and wise elements yoga/tantra/spiritualism/psychology have ever found.

It's useful to listen to the coaching affirmations of the guide. I've never been praised this much in my life. It's a way to learn how you can and should praise yourself and be a honest support for yourself in any situation.

It's important to talk and share your experiences, even if we all know, noone has the same experience. But it helps us to unload what we've been carrying, and it wakes up compassion.

Facing your mind is the most difficult thing ever. Embracing and loving everything which we always considered negative is not fun, requires a brave heart and lots of patience. You can lie to yourself without being able to recognize you are covering something very stubbornly.

There is a very powerful exercise in Vivation which is called eyegazing. While doing Vivation: observing yourself, integrating everything which manifests itself in bodily sensation and turning to it with loving kindness - your eyes are wide open looking at another person doing Vivation. One can say after trying it: it is spooooooky! And at the same time for a person like me suffering from some grade of social phobia, paranoia and from low/no self-esteem it was liberating.

I've realized that I should allow myself to be tired without falling asleep. :-) Well, it is always difficult when meditating someone feels strong pain or falls asleep. What I was able to do this time was actually being able to observe and accept myself being tired and yawning like a lazy lion - without falling asleep or dozing off just for 5 secs. I also realized that besides having real reason for tiredness, it's often the excuse of the mind for not participating in activities. And this is not laziness, I'm talking about. This is real tiredness - can be measured. This is that annoying numbness depressed people usually experience, a sort of apathy and frozenness.

Pain, fear and tiredness. The summary of the weekend. It seems to come from outside, grabbing us and we experience it as suffering. But it's not something beyond us. It is very concretely in our mind manifesting itself very clearly in the body. But we never listen to it! We try to run away, to cover it, to put make-up, bandage on it, to dump it, replant it, numb it with pills...shut it down! You are supposed to be young, beautiful, painless and fresh - as if you didn't have a body. The body is a tool to understand yourself. If you shut it down, manipulate it and exploit it with dumping all the crap in your life into it, no wonder it gives up functioning! :-)

I practice Buddhism and regularly meditate (Vipassana). This made it easier maybe to understand Vivation. I'm sure I would have come to the same realizations during my meditation sessions, but Vivation's given a little kick to it. As I said, it's nothing new I've learnt. It's just the RIGHT COMBINATION of the already known moments.

The Tale of the Dragon

2009-11-20T10:40:00.017+01:00

(This photo is an illustration)

There is nothing remarkable about our village. I often referred to it as Twin Peaks hence there was something rotten here. Well, we can say, literally rotten as well, because seasonal floods were very common.

On one side there were some family houses with tiny tidy front yards, and on the other side it was the "triangle". The triangle has never had any buildings, any cultivation, and those peasants who were occasionnally asked to mow down the reed and weed had horrible suspicions.

Beyond the horizon there were still some houses left from the golden era of the village, the old motel, restaurant, grocery, shoemaker, village council...only leftovers: bones, shells, skeletons and vaste emptiness.

I was standing in between, at the gas station filling up. There was nothing romantic about it, but I still felt a bit day-dreamingish, felt that warm fuzzy undetermined cloud hovering around my head. When gingerly a tourist couch rolled in to the station, the airtight doors just softened up and then...I heard the cameras clicking before I could see all the japanese tourists pouring out from the vehicle. Strange they all gathered on one side of the gas station gazing towards the region I described as beyond the horizon. They were looking at the greyest, most boring nothing framed by some hills and totally ignoring everything which I would still call: our village. I was slightly shocked and curious. What the hell can a group of Japanese tourists find interesing there? I asked the travel guide, who was a local guy.

I still remember his answer, but not much of his explanation of what the expression, the tail of the dragon actually meant. Japanese is a very beautiful, poetic language, I thought. But still, the mistery of the dragon's tale eludes from the memory with no tracks.

(Thanks to Elisabeth for sharing her experiences with me.)

Reiki Skee

2009-11-20T10:19:00.005+01:00

A new logo for my "business" at home is ready. We asked a local entrepeneur to make a decent size of sign which we can have on the side of the house. When I was walking the dogs today I saw, he put it into his shopwindow hoping that we walk by and pay for it. It's a rather simple sign, won't cost much. Well, can't make the business worse - hopefully it makes it better. :-)

So from today there is a logo for Reiki treatment in Skee, West-Sweden. The sign is rather short-spoken. In my opinion if someone doesn't know what Reiki is, should not get it anyway. :-)
The sign has my cellphone number - better get ready for some phonecalls! :-D

Non-sense versus sickness

2009-11-19T11:20:00.005+01:00

I's called sickness. It's called sickleave. It's sick. It sticks.
Some are milder, call it sensitivity (like my shrink). And limitations. Hazy crazy.
The worst is when not recognized and forced into situations which freaks me out. Hurts most if they are friends or relatives. "You should try to go off the pills. You can do it." - "There is nothing wrong with you, you are just lazy." - "Oh, you haven't found a job? Should try harder." - etc.

Then the best is to be sensitive. Without limits.

SOMETHING ELSE. Reading some blogs I found this: PeaceLoveStudio
A bit difficult to go through the whole site (lack of concentration and patience), but I got the main idea. I remember sitting timidly at a hospital among other patients and trying to make some brush strokes on the screamingly white paper. I remember making the very first summary of my silence and depression by drawing a "dangerous red dog". The very first steps out from hell. For me it works to paint. I believe there are many who can be helped with creativity. I've been thinking about joining/starting a group here, where we live. But I'm very bad at doing campaigns and finding the "right people".

Networking

2009-11-17T15:27:00.002+01:00

"...There were different stages to my mental distress and initially I can liken it to falling into an abyss. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. Nothing prepared me for the sheer terror of it. My breakdown was sudden, intense, dramatic and very painful. I literally screamed in terror. All this must have been very disturbing for my family, and particularly, my younger siblings. I was a liability, an embarrassment as I would scream anywhere and at any given time, which at the beginning was most of the time. Mine was the manic variety of depression, rather than an over-whelming tiredness to the bone marrow. I was only a mere 6 stone in weight and could not gain weight. I walked, bent over, like an old woman (in fact, I felt ancient). All this and with my unkempt appearance and terrified demeanor must have been quite frightening for my peers to see when they visited me. My bubbley and out-going personality had meant I was popular and good friends found it difficult to equate my new experience with their old perception of me. Most, told me later, had been so shocked by my transformation that they went home and cried afterwards, but tried to keep it together in my company. I really learnt that I had good friends during this difficult stage in my life..." by GRAINNE HUMPHRYS

This is a short citation from a blog entry I read recently at http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com
Worth to read it, it deeply touched me. And at the same time I started envying this woman for such a wonderful family and friends. Something I don't have. Well, I guess, people around me don't know or don't want to know much about conditions/personality I have or/and alternative methods for personality development.Far from accusing anyone!!! We are all walking in the same darkness, right? Just some of us have bigger and better torch.
On the other hand I must admit it is extremely difficult for others to understand such a behaviour I have time to time. Running away, isolating myself, cutting off connections - they take it personal, and turn away. I can understand it.
Finding other connections is difficult. I put myself into an extremely difficult situation when I moved from my native country to another one. I'm hoping to be taken to those with similar experiences by my guardian angels: Hope, Time and Love.

Hullo!! Hullo!!!

2009-11-12T09:02:00.003+01:00

Telephone just doesn't work for me.
Hullo!!
THE PHONE IS NOT SOMETHING FOR MEEEE!
Hullooooo!!!!
Ok, I just don't pick it up next time.
Or I don't even have the ringsignal on.
Cellphone?
Forget it! It gives me headache.

I can give you some reasons if you want to. But you don't want to. You just want to pour your information, opinion, questions on me.
We almost never meet. I mean IRL...in real life.
This faceless, odourless, expressionless was of communication called mask, I'm sorry, I meant TELEPHONE doesn't work for me. You know, it's cold. And after a while my earlobe gets sweaty and kind of sticks to the phone. Yes, I can make those funny sounds when I lift off the listener from my ear. Plop...

E-mail me, OK? Or just come over with a box of chocolate. I know. If you don't really want something from me, forget it. you don't have to. That's also ok. No worries. No phonecalls.

Irregulaties

2009-11-12T08:24:00.007+01:00

All right, it's not that fun if you have to wait way too long for a blog entry. I know, I'm a lousy blogger.

Rings the bell?

Rulltårta - beigli?

2009-10-27T09:18:00.005+01:00

I read this article this morning at Göteborgs Posten:

5000 rulltårtor till bybor (5000 rollcakes for villagers). Next to the article is a picture to illustrate the big event. But the picture shows a Hungarian beigli ( Hungarian Walnut and Poppy Seed roll) I called todays editors and told them this, but the reply was, can't it be a Hungarian beigli which we would call rulltårta here in Sweden. Well, I said, beigli is a very typical Austro-Hungarian bakery, and as much I know how the cake called rulltårta (aka Swedish jelly rollcake) looks like and tastes like it has really nothing to do with beigli. She said the picture will stay, and I asked her to make at least a small comment. Shesaid: we will see, kind of. I'm a bit disappointed. :-(

Here it comes the picture taken by Bengt Kjelling (and borrowed from GP's homesite) :

Decide! Is it rulltårta or beigli?

How much is that Tibetan doggy in the window? A mere £250,000 - Times Online

2009-08-09T18:00:00.003+02:00

How much is that Tibetan doggy in the window? A mere £250,000 - Times Online

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Mayan Calendar Happenings | Earth's Great Awakening

2009-08-05T17:56:00.001+02:00

Mayan Calendar Happenings | Earth's Great Awakening

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Robert Gustafsson - The Ambassador

2009-06-05T23:16:00.001+02:00

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo teaching in London

2009-05-14T12:23:00.002+02:00

Blessings and greetings from a beautiful mind at SOAS London on the 10th May. On her last teaching tour in Europe she was talking about transforming the mind in front of many hundreds of people. It was a wonderful experience to be a part of this and to meet her in person. Please take a look at her website: http://www.tenzinpalmo.com/

Visit in London

2009-05-14T12:09:00.001+02:00

In Camden Town you get a little bit fuzzy at the edges. LOL

Teachings of Jetsun Khandro Rinpoche in Oslo

2009-04-20T10:08:00.002+02:00

Jetsun Khandro Rinpoche has given teachings in Oslo (16th, 17th, 18th and 19th of April). I was so lucky that I could stay in Oslo during the whole period. First she came to give a public teaching at Paramita Buddhist Centre in the city of Oslo, and then she had a course at the Karma Shedrup Ling Retreat Centre. Her visit in Oslo ended with the groundbreaking ceremony for a new temple at Karma Tashi Ling. The last some days were therefore very intensive for me: learning a lot, being among dharmasisters and brothers, meditating and contemplating.
The Vajrayana sangha in Oslo is very strong and big compared to the other buddhist groups in Scandinavia (approx. 700 active members and many more people around these "registered" members). Please visit their homesite: www.ktl.no

Annual Drukpa Council

2009-04-08T14:38:00.003+02:00

The Drukpa Lineage or Lineage of the Dragons has the legacy of guiding countless beings on the path of Dharma and ultimate enlightenment for more than 800 years.

Yet with the passage of time, several important teachings and traditions of the lineage, such as the Yogini tradition within the Drukpa Lineage have been lost. The teachings of the three mad yogis: i.e. Tsangnyon Heruka (1452–1507), Druknyon Kunga Legpa (also known as Drukpa Kunleg, 1455–1529) and Unyon Kunga Sangpo (1458–1532) are almost disappearing. Many Drukpa followers neither know much about the Three Divine Madmen nor about other enlightened masters of the Drukpa Lineage such as Gyalwa Yangonpa (1213–1258) and Gyalwa Lorepa (1187–1250), even many of the monks and nuns do not know their biographies. His Holiness said in one of the commitee meetings that “We, the holders and followers of the glorious Drukpa Lineage, have the great responsibility of preserving and ensuring that this spiritually rich lineage continues to flourish, internally by upholding the sacred practices and externally through Live to Love activities.”

The various enlightened masters and various monastic bodies seldom had the opportunity to work together to promote the lineage due to lack of proper communication among the different masters and various monasteries and nunneries.

Each year, ADC will be organized by and taking place at the different monasteries within the Drukpa Lineage. This year, the First ADC, will be taking place in Kathmandu, Nepal, on Druk Amitabha Mountain, near the holy Swayambhunath Stupa.

Watch live video from The Annual Drukpa Council Channel on Justin.tv

More at:
http://www.drukpacouncil.org
http://www.justin.tv/annualdrukpacouncil

Tibetan Mastiff Rescue Site

2009-04-05T12:11:00.001+02:00

Some cool info about these wonderful dogs.

Rare and precious!!!! Chinese Tibetan mastiff Silver on the world

2009-04-05T12:00:00.001+02:00

Sweet sound to the ears of my TM bitch :-D

Tibetan Mastiffs in Tibet with Nomads guarding

2009-04-05T11:57:00.001+02:00

I'm owned by one of these. :-D

Naan Bread

2009-04-03T11:26:00.001+02:00

3 Days - 3 Quotes - Kind of a Tendency...

2009-03-18T10:43:00.000+01:00

Day 1:
"Do not let yourself be bothered with the inconsequential. One only has so much time in this world, so devote it to the work and the people most important to you, to those you love and things that matter. One can waste half a lifetime with people one doesn't really like or doing things when one would be better off somewhere else." - Louis L'amour

Hmmmm...yeah, but where to?

Day 2:
"When we feel stuck, going nowhere - even starting to slip backward -we may actually be backing up to get a running start." - Dan Millman

Oh, I see now. Me going bckwards is actually going forward!

Day 3:

"Pushing yourself requires a lot of energy. Conserve your energy and tap into what inspires or excites you and you'll find yourself pulled forward instead." - popular coaching concept

Inprires? Excites? Hmmm. well, then maybe not the coaching!

12 REASONS WHY OBAMA SHOULD BECOME A BUDDHIST

2009-03-18T07:13:00.000+01:00

12 REASONS WHY OBAMA SHOULD BECOME A BUDDHIST

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Tonight I was a guest on The Colbert Report tv show on Comedy Central channel, and Stephen Colbert asked me why Obama should become a Buddhist now that he’s left his church. (View the July 14 show with Lama Surya Das.)

There are actually TWELVE OFFICIAL REASONS WHY OBAMA SHOULD BECOME A BUDDHIST
12. Buddhists have more fun.

11. It’d be great to have a president for once who practiced right speech, right actions, right intentions and right livelihood, as Buddha taught.

10. I’d call him Head Lama Obama.

9. All the best people are. My religion is the best and the only way, just like yours.

8. Buddha has for 2500 years taught change and inclusivity.

7. Buddhist meditation and mindfulness training is good for both physical and mental health.

6. Buddha was the world’s first ecological leader and protector of animals as well as human beings.
(Obama could rename 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue “The Green House”)

5. Nonviolence and altruism is the Buddhist way. War might be outlawed.

4. Buddhist practices of mindful anger management and nonviolent conflict resolution could make him an enlightened leader, like Aung San Su Kyii of Burma and the Dalai Lama of Tibet.
(Pres. Medvedev of Russia does yoga.)

3. I am a Buddha, and so can you.

2. It would help the energy crisis.

AND FINALLY, LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
My Father’s favorite answer to all of life’s big questions:

1. BECAUSE…

source: http://surya.org/wp/?tag=barack-obama

no comment

About Lama Surya Das

Surya lived for fifteen years in the Himalayas, studied and practiced meditation and yoga under the great enlightened masters of Tibet and India. He was a Buddhist monk and has twice completed the traditional three year, three month Tibetan Buddhist meditation retreat and lama training at his teacher’s monastery cloister. He is the author of many top-selling books and had published numerous articles in various publications. Surya is a featured columnist in Beliefnet, the Internet’s number one site for religion. He is the Founder of the Western Buddhist Teachers Network and introduced its week-long conferences with the Dalai Lama.

For more information and his teaching schedule, visit Surya.org
Dzogchen.org

As we see it, 2021

2009-03-18T04:51:00.001+01:00

Karmapa Lama: Dalai's Protege, China's Threat? | Newsweek International | Newsweek.com

2009-02-23T06:49:00.000+01:00

An interesting article at Newsweek Int. - follow the link below:Link

Karmapa Lama: Dalai's Protege, China's Threat? | Newsweek International | Newsweek.com

2009-02-23T06:48:00.000+01:00

Link

Light At The Edge of The World

2009-02-05T04:37:00.000+01:00

"How can all of those be right?"

2009-02-03T12:42:00.001+01:00

This means that the chief activity of integral cognition is not looking at all of the available theories—whether premodern, modern, or postmodern—and then asking, "Which one of those is the most accurate or acceptable?," but rather consists in asking, "How can all of those be right?" The fact is, all of the various theories, practices, and established paradigms—in the sciences, arts, and humanities—are already being practiced: they are already arising in a Kosmos that clearly allows them to arise, and the question is not, which of those is the correct one, but what is the structure of the Kosmos such that it allows all of those to arise in the first place? What is the architecture of a universe that includes so many wonderful rooms? — Ken Wilber, "The Ways We Are in This Together: Intersubjectivity and Interobjectivity in the Holonic Kosmos" Excerpt C of draft of forthcoming book, Kosmic Karma and Creativity
integralwiki.net

Tibet in pictures

2009-02-01T11:15:00.000+01:00

Karuna Shechen Humanitarian Projects
Matthieu Ricard's site

There are many beautiful photos of Nepal, Tibet and India
In one of the photos taken in Tibet you can see Tibetan Mastiffs

http://karuna-shechen.org/photoalbum.php?gallery=tibet

Magyar Posse - Whirlpool of Terror and Tension

2009-01-31T14:13:00.001+01:00

Music video which won the Oulun Musiikkivideofestivaali 2006 Kultapumpeli as well as the People Choice award. http://www.omvf.net/2006/
In the spring of 2007, this video won the Golden Muuvi award.

Tibetian Yoga Masters 3/3

2009-01-26T10:39:00.001+01:00

Very rare color video. Tibetian monks in retreat, amazing! Notice how they don't blink (for hours, no tears)- a true sign of high level meditation. Some of them have reached full liberation.

The last 3 faces you'll see in the video are:

1) His Holiness Dudjom Rinpoche, head of the Nyingma lineage in India

B) Venerable Kalu Rinpoche, great realized master in the Kagyu lineage.

C) His Holiness, the 16th Karmapa! The head of the Karma Kagyu lineage. A legendery realized master, said to have attained the 'rainbow body' feat.

Tibetian Yoga Masters 2/3

2009-01-26T10:36:00.001+01:00

Tibetian Yoga Masters 1/3

2009-01-26T10:34:00.001+01:00

"This is no joke, the real deal Tibetian tantra masters that have achieved enlighenment. Very rare colore video. In the first part you'll see some secret techniques. 2nd part you'll see Milarepa's real dorje. 3rd part you'll see Tibetian monks in retreat, amazing! Some of them have reached liberation, the last one to be seen on Part3 is the 16th Karmapa."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbB6r4p6BJk

Karmapa: How can we deal with everyday distractions?

2009-01-26T05:16:00.000+01:00

Link

HH 17th Karmapa beautiful movie

2009-01-26T05:11:00.000+01:00

Link

Hulljatok levelek

2009-01-21T12:49:00.001+01:00

Flótás együttes, fordulj a nap felé c. albumáról

Terence Mckenna: 2012 Timewave Zero TV Show Sightings

2009-01-20T13:12:00.001+01:00

See you on the 21st December 2012!
Who's coming with me? ;-)

Live to Love (Kunga, English)

2009-01-19T13:56:00.001+01:00

Drukpa Publications
800 years old tradition of the Dragons. Read more at: http://www.drukpa.org/

Offering of Lamps to Dispel Darkness

2009-01-18T16:53:00.005+01:00

May the vessel of this butter lamp
become equal to a thousand times
a thousand universes!

May its heart become equal
to Mount Meru,
the king of mountains!

May its light illuminate
the worlds from the top of their summits
down to the very bottom of the Avici hell realms!

May these butter lamps
appear and spread in front of the eyes of
all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas
of the ten directions and of the three times!

The darkness of the ignorance
of beings' minds having been dispelled,
may the clarity of the great purity,
primordial wisdom, radiate!

Mind and Life XIX. in Washington

2009-01-18T13:35:00.002+01:00

Not so long ago I had a vision of everyone sitting and meditating and having meditation at schools as a subject and as a practice before other lessons too. I'm sure, this is not only my vision of future! Check this out:

Educating World Citizens for the 21st Century:
Educators, Scientists and Contemplatives
Dialogue on Cultivating a Healthy Mind, Brain and Heart
with His Holiness The Dalai Lama

"How can our educational system evolve to meet the challenges of the 21st century? How will we educate people to be compassionate, competent, ethical, and engaged citizens in an increasingly complex and interconnected world?

The urgent challenges of a globalized and interdependent world demand a new vision of world citizenship that is not confined to national boundaries, but encompasses moral and ethical responsibilities to all humanity. People coming of age in the 21st century will need to manifest unprecedented levels of intercultural cooperation, mutual moral concern, creativity, and skill in effectively addressing the challenges of the new century. An education that will prepare children to become compassionate and competent world citizens cannot be measured only in terms of cognitive skills and knowledge, but must address the wider aspects of child and adolescent development such as social and emotional skills, moral values, and embodied virtues that promote both personal and societal health, well-being, and caring."

For more info, please visit this site:
http://www.mindandlife.org/conf09.washington.html

Leigh-Anne's Waterlily

2009-01-12T12:47:00.002+01:00

The First Exhibition at My Dog, Gothenburg

2009-01-06T13:43:00.000+01:00

Motto of the day

2008-12-16T09:25:00.003+01:00

"Instead of being more organized or controlling in your approach, allow for serendipity. Happy accidents happen when you look side to side or up, not always forward. Don't stop planning. Rather step out of the tunnel. Put yourself in situations that allow for the unexpected. Life is situationally driven. Learning happens in context. Be ready when opportunities arise. The more space you've cleared in your life for something new, the more right things will happen." - Marcia Conner

Stand By Me - A song from a film

2008-12-15T08:38:00.003+01:00

"Playing For Change: Peace Through Music" Film about street music.

Holly Internet

2008-10-27T09:36:00.002+01:00

Recently:
I found this LINK at an old Multiply friend's site. And since I trust his taste (LOL), I opened the site. Then I wanted to check a banktransfer at the Hungarian Bank I keep some forints (HUF - local green pieces of paper). But the site couldn't be reached. (LOL) Comical. Hi there Heiko!!! (*grins*)

Madeira - the first impressions

2008-10-23T12:11:00.000+02:00

When I arrived to Madeira

2008-10-23T12:06:00.002+02:00

Airport

Shuttle bus

View from the hotelroom

View

Korai Öröm - Paraszt

2008-10-13T15:21:00.001+02:00

The music is wonderful!

Kaukazus - TESCO

2008-10-13T15:14:00.001+02:00

A little Hungarian language lesson again.
DEDICATED to my brother.

Heaven Street Seven - Ne nézzen úgy rám

2008-10-13T15:03:00.001+02:00

Ne nézzen úgy rám
A gyönyörű szemével
A tűzzel játszani, jaj nem szabad
Ne fogjon úgy át a remegő kezével
A szívnek húrja van, és elszakad

Az első csókját soha el nem feledem
Itt állok árván, halálos betegen
Mert szeretem

Ne nézzen úgy rám
A gyönyörű szemével
A tűzzel játszani, jaj nem szabad
Ne fogjon úgy át a remegő kezével
A szívnek húrja van, és elszakad

Az első csókját soha el nem feledem
Itt állok árván, halálos betegen
betegen
betegen
betegen

Quimby - Autó egy szerpentinen

2008-10-10T15:27:00.001+02:00

Not sure where this was shot, but looks little bit more mediterrainean then here. :-D Although the road is broader then on Maderia!!!

Lyrics in Hungarian:

Most olyan könnyű minden,
szinte csak a semmi tart.
A kutyákat elengedtem,
és a forgószél elvitte a vihart.

Alattunk a tenger,
szemben a nap zuhan.
Nyeljük a csíkokat
és a világ pajkos szellőként suhan.

Tékozló angyal a magasban,
böffent nincs baj, nincs haragban senkivel.
G dúrban zúgják a fákon a kabócák,
hogy láss csodát, láss ezer csodát,
láss ezer csodát.

Éhes pupillákkal
vállamra ördög ül.
Ballal elpöckölöm
az élet jobb híján egyedül.

Autó egy szerpentinen
mely ki tudja merre tart.
Kócos kis romantika
tejfogával a szívembe mart.

Tékozló angyal a magasban,
böffent nincs baj, nincs haragban senkivel.
G dúrban zúgják a fákon a kabócák,
hogy láss csodát, láss ezer csodát,
láss ezer csodát.
(3x)

Láss ezer csodát!

Madeira july 2006: narrow road

2008-10-10T12:43:00.001+02:00

Should I rent a car on Madeira next week or not? :-D

Saying of the Day

2008-10-09T14:17:00.000+02:00

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." - Marie Curie

Family weekend

2008-10-08T11:00:00.003+02:00

Swedish Bookfair 2008 Gothenburg

2008-10-08T10:31:00.003+02:00

At the end of October I spent one day at the 4-day long bookfair in Gothenburg. Old memories of me being once a (wo)man of letters. There's been too big changes in my life, and now I feel in floating out in space without roots, interest or anything. Would be no problem if my mind was strong enough for this vast emptiness.

The Tibetan Book of the Dead - A Way of Life 1.

2008-10-07T10:53:00.001+02:00

Dragon Kingdom - Bhutan

2008-10-06T11:40:00.001+02:00

Wild China Time-lapse - Part 1

2008-10-06T11:12:00.001+02:00

A little bit more from the BBC series WILD CHINA (thanks to YouTube, Bluewave42)

Wild China: The Fly Tiger

2008-10-06T11:09:00.001+02:00

I was fortunate to see the episode "Tibet" of WILD CHINA by BBC last night on Swedish TV.

Right speech - from a linguistic angle

2008-10-06T06:46:00.000+02:00

Right Speech/Noble Speech

One who practices right speech speaks the truth and is steadfast in truthfulness, trustworthy,
dependable, straightforward with others. He (she) reconciles the quarrelling and encourages
the united. He delights in harmony, seeks after harmony, rejoices in harmony, and creates
harmony by his words. His speech is gentle, pleasing to the ear, kindly, heartwarming,
courteous, agreeable, and enjoyable to many. He speaks at the proper time, according to
the facts, according to what is helpful, according to Dhamma and the Code of Conduct.
His words are worth remembering, timely, well-reasoned, well-chosen, and constructive.

- Cula-hatthi-padopama sutta

The same can be found in the Bible (Matthew 5:37) - sounding very brief and zen: "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes ' or 'No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil."

I remember the time when I first heard about the Right Speech - not so long ago! During my very first vipassana retreat (by Goenka). I understood very well why it was so essential not to speak for 10 days during the retreat. Not even look at each other or use any gestures, body language. We are so much conditioned by "good old" habits how to communicate, and in my personal opinion we are conditioned by the language. So to start with it was good not to communicate at all, no risk for making mistakes! This is called Noble Silence.

Noble Silence

See, it is very difficult to meditate, to go around, to eat, sit, rest in total silence. It is only your brain buzzing all the time in a kind of boring, monotonous fashion. We are used to the constant chattering going around us. Most of us feel embarrased to stay silent when we are more than one person, and there are some who even talk loud when he/she is alone.
We are somehow closed in into our language. Right now it would be rather long to discuss in which way are we closed in into it, but most of our societies are built up on pure verbalism and in that way have gotten very far from the truth.

To understand this: one who practices right speech speaks the truth requires to realize, our language(s) is a poor tool to express our understanding about the truth, and often it is anything but the truth. I don't say that when speaking we are constantly lying. But if we don't make any effort to be aware what we say, and we don't make an effort to talk honestly about what we momentary understand of the truth, then I would say, our speech is not the right/noble speech.

According to Dhamma and the Code of Conduct

Being aware what we are saying means that we constantly put our present understanding in the horinzon of Dhamma before we say anything. Doing this needs really high awareness and very good knowledge and understanding of the Dhamma. It's not impossible though, hence we all have the Dhamma inside us, only needs to be dug up (with meditation and education).

It is much easier to stay silent than to speak only the truth. I experienced the soothing and healing effect of 10-day silence at the retreat. Without the dimension of Noble Silence I would have difficulties to realize what Noble Speech is.

One can say: why do we talk then? Because although language is a poor tool, but we have nothing else better right now to communicate with each other. Is it necessary to communicate with each other? Yes, definetely: we are one and the same, we are connected to each other like pearls on a necklace.

Be straightforward with others.

It means (for me) not to keep back the truth, and only the truth, that is: do not lie. Keep back the truth can mean two things: say false or stay silent when one could actually say the truth. Difficult? Yes, in some situations it is very difficult to decide whether it is better to speak out straightforward what we think or remain silent not to cause disturbances. There are many things to be considered: how the other(s) understanding can be (age, education, intelligence, mental status...almost even the weather!). One should always think ahead what consequences can it bring whether we speak or not. It is part of the truth.

His speech is gentle, pleasing to the ear, kindly, heartwarming,
courteous, agreeable, and enjoyable to many.

Not too loud or harsh, ironic or ambiguous, not too much, not too little either. No backbiting and slander, no making up stories and no idle gossip and meaningless chatter.

His words are worth remembering, timely, well-reasoned, well-chosen, and constructive.

Well, you might say it is way too demanding! Don't worry about it. I believe one who understood the Dhamma and is keen to live according to the Dhamma, one who pracices the Dhamma and meditates, lights the fire of love and compassion in his/her heart and lives a simple life accoring to the ethical principles doesn't have to worry about the Right Speech and doesn't have to put extra effort into observing his/her speech. It comes with the practice. Ones mind is getting sharper and sharper, and one be able to have a proper distance to be aware of his/her own words. Compassion in your heart, compassion in your speech.

The right path

2008-10-04T07:49:00.000+02:00

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

KOYASAN OKUNOIN TEMPLE

2008-09-03T21:30:00.001+02:00

I come from here.

Buddhist Chant - Shingon

2008-09-03T21:21:00.001+02:00

It doesn't matter where you come from...

Milarepa Movie Trailer

2008-09-02T10:00:00.001+02:00

A legendary tibetan story of revenge and redemption. A story of an ordinary boy Topaga who goes on to become Tibet's greatest saint Milarepa.

A film I must see!

Berryguy made my day

2008-08-22T10:48:00.000+02:00

I woke up very depressed this morning...no wonder, after last days experience with my ex-coworker...or cow-worker...hmmmm....she can decide herself which fits her more...Fortunatelly the highlight of the late summer showed up today at our house: the berryguy. OK,a little explanation is needed. Sweden has a huge tradition of picking and using lots of different types of berries from "ordinary" blueberries to cranberries...the most exclusive is cloudberry, an excellent delicacy for berrylovers. This guy I'm speaking about drives around the country and sells berries and jam from the truck. I discovered him already the first summer I was here in Sweden. Since then I buy berries from him every summer. Today I spent 15 Euro on 1 kg fresh cloudberries (Rubus chamaemorus), and 12 on a big jar of homemade cloudberry jam...eating it now with a little sugar and soyadrink. My depression is diappearing...I'm sure I was a bear in one of my previous lives!

THE GOLD OF THE NORTH:

No situtation anymore

2008-08-20T06:19:00.000+02:00

Updates: yesterday my employment ended because my collegue/manager didn't find me suitable for the job anymore, and neither did our customer (who is by the way back from the hospital). I got offered 2 weeks but in this atmosphere I wouldn't be able to continue, so I said no, thanks yesterday. The company who is officially in btw customers and personal assistants felt very sorry for me, but since it was a half year probationary employment, they didn't really had anything to offer to me but spare my CV for better times...

How I feel? Betrayed...I've worked 5 months and 2 weeks already. My collegue didn't say one single thing before that she had any problems with me. Just the other way around... It was very hard to communicate with her, we haven't had any meeting during this time period I was there. Although our customer has became sicker and the medical/social caretake team already called together for a meeting...blablabla...I feel really sad about this woman whom I worked with. I'm very sorry for her and everyone she tries to manipulate (incl. customer). But I have to keep walking along. I'm far-far away from her way of thinking.

Delicate situation

2008-08-18T08:41:00.000+02:00

"It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop." - Jack LaLane

Right now I'm in a situation at my workpace which is rather delicate and complicated. I work as a personal assistent but my customer is hospitalized. The insurance company doesn't pay for assistants if there is personal taking care of the customer at a medical institution, hospital, etc. The case is even more complicated because my college (we are two assisteants at an old lady) cannot understand my situation...or she doesn't want to. I asked help from my employer...I'm on standby. Noone can tell when my customer comes home and what I will do meanwhile...

Trip July'08, 9th destination - Dubrovnik, Croatia

2008-08-08T04:07:00.000+02:00

This I can also resommend to you, guys, I mean Dubrovnik, not Karin, she is taken already! :-)

Link

Tolnai Otto: Don't come back

2008-08-05T06:42:00.000+02:00

Don't come back

why are you shaking i ask
i am shivering he says
wolves encircling a trembling dog
why are you shivering i ask
i am afraid he says
i am afraid to return from america
but you haven’t gone away yet i say
i am afraid
even so i am afraid to return he says
for months i have crouched in this shed
watching the ridge of the rusting roof
grazing each fleecy cloud passing
the flock of clouds opening up
their wounds drenching us in a shower of blood
like the billowing filmscreen engulfing the little blind boy
then i say indeed there is no other way
don’t come back
don’t come back if you haven’t gone away yet

translated: Agnes Kaan-Borostyankoi

The war in Bosnia 1992-1995 - for those who want to understand.

2008-08-05T05:44:00.000+02:00

Follow this Link to get more info about the Bosnian war. It was my internet friend, Karin, who posted it. Thanks, Karin!

My little paradise

2008-07-28T17:14:00.004+02:00

I've "imported" poppy seeds from Bergen last summer. They are blooming now here too...good memories of a fantastic week in Norway!

Soon time to harvest tomatoes from the plastic "greenhouse".

Martin is back from vipassana-course

2008-07-28T17:09:00.002+02:00

" Though one should conquer a thousand times a thousand men in battle, he who conquers his own self, is the greatest of all conquerers." -Dhammapada

Swedish summer/alone

2008-07-16T16:43:00.000+02:00

I'm alone at home with the dogs. M. went for meditation course. Bori comes home tomorrow, my mum comes along with her (for a month long visit).

Listening to Karunesh: For the Joy of it All (one of my favourites)

...soon talking to Bori on Skype.

(Back is hurting= too much gardening )

Soodeh's site/some drawings I like

2008-07-16T10:59:00.000+02:00

I found this style near to me.

Her site is in Persian. I could (only) enjoy the pictures....like a child.

More: http://soodehd6.multiply.com/

Nice koan by F. Kafka

2008-07-08T08:37:00.000+02:00

Link
(Follow the White Rabbit)

Thought of the day

2008-05-27T05:49:00.000+02:00

"I believe that there is only one story in the world...Humans are caught--in their lives, in their thoughts, in their hungers and ambitions, in their avarice and cruelty, and in their kindness and generosity too--in a net of good and evil...A man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean question: Was it good or was it evil? Have I done well--or ill?" - John Steinbeck

Recommendation

2008-05-27T04:59:00.000+02:00

My multiply-friend has an excellent collection of music online:
http://rakendra.multiply.com/

More international music please

2008-05-27T04:55:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I was at the gyms at the hospital (have to exercise my shoudlers before I wear them out completely :-P ). They usually have the radio on (either the local chanel or some other Swedish which has popular music). For my biggest surprise they were broadcasting a popural arabic dance song! (Well, sometimes you can hear some Persian dancemusic too since we have Europe's biggest Persian discoteque in Stockholm.) It was refreshing after those many minutes of Western popmusic.I think it is a great idea to broadcast different popular music, not only from the Western charts! There are many different ethnic radio stations here, but the big stations don't represent the variations, only the majority taste - which is a big shame. Arabic dancemusic is beautiful, full of passion and fine details - and a little varioation on rhythm too, not always the European beat!
I hope to hear more Arabic, Persian, Balkan, Thai or Ukrainian beat! (Maybe Hungarian too? ;-) )

My boyfriend is a watchcollector!

2008-05-04T06:42:00.000+02:00

...and he has a blog - not only about watches! ;-) Feel free to visit his site and look at his watches! Please write comments as well - if you are also interested in clocks/watches.

http://blog.dmldata.se/

For My Mom On My Birthday

2008-04-29T08:16:00.006+02:00

Source:
http://gizmodo.com/344401/blood+pen-brings-new-terror-to-the-phrase-write-this-out-1000-times

Lyrics to "Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil

On the floating, shapeless oceans

I did all my best to smile

til your singing eyes and fingers

drew me loving into your eyes.

And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;

Let me enfold you."

Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.

Did I dream you dreamed about me?

Were you here when I was full sail?

Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.

For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."

Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.

I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.

I'm as riddled as the tide.

Should I stand amid the breakers?

Or shall I lie with death my bride?

Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."

"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."

Full Speed

2008-04-07T06:03:00.000+02:00

I came home from a 10-day vipassana retreat a week ago. Since then I enjoy being very busy. Work, dogs, garden, house.

The retreat was pretty succesful in the sense that I have realized a lot of things again. It was a very intensive 10-11 days, lots of time but never wasted one second! I think I understand for example the sleeping (or not sleeping) pattern I have, why I have frequent urination time to time, I've broken through some of my limitations (pride, paranoia, passivity, procrastination - all begining with 'P') - although they haven't disappeared, no, no, no. The aim is to debunk these old patterns, to lilft the layers of veils to understand how they work, and then live with them, and smile - then they might disappear...slowly. Anyways, Bori, my daughter was at the retreat with me, and it felt so right! I don't think any parent can give more than showing the opportunity of vipassana to the child. Then one actually opened up the door to the real happiness. MAY ALL BEINGS BE HAPPY!

I came home and immediatelly started working at my new workplace. I work as a personal assistent helping a disabled lady of my mother's age (actually the lady is 2 years younger than mom). On Monday I didn't have to stay, so I could fix many things (cleaning, gardening, playing with the dogs) at home. I worked on Tuesday morning until 3pm, so that wasn't a long working day either, but the coming 3 days full speed, 9 hours/day with 1 hour break. The work is not very difficult or complicated, fortunatelly me, my collegue and she, the lady have similar interests and ways of organizing life and household duties. She lives very near to us, so I can take the bike when it's not pouring rain (as I did on Wednesday for example). But I must tell you, I was happy when the weekend came. I have a private language student as well, I had lessons with her on both Friday and Saturday evenings and I became exhausted. So it's just good that today I'm free, I work tomorrow, then 3 days off again and work at the weekend. I have a 14-day schedule and sometimes I work in the evenings (if the lady needs help with going to cinema or to dinner etc. or when I have lesson with my private student).

And the dogs! Yes! Look at the photos I've just uploaded of Brummi. She is growing!!! Playing a lot with the other dog, Abbe, and sometimes with the cat, thought the cat is not very interested in playing with dogs, as we know it. There is a lot of work with a puppy: cleaning after her, walking, playing, feeding (3 times/day), training her, going to the vet etc.

And it is spring (inspite of snowing this morning in Gothenburg!!!). The garden also needs attention: buds, small leaves all over, pruning, planting, seeding, cleaning. I bought some seeds and a small magnoliabush. I'm waiting some days with the magnolia, so that it doesn't get frostdamages, although hopefully there won't be any serious cold weather, and I'm going to cover it with fibrecloth during the nights. I love magnolias, this one is very pretty and elegant, has double petals and they are all pure white. I'm hoping to take picture when blooming!!!

Busy

2008-03-17T07:44:00.000+01:00

Some of you might wonder, what happened to Judit? Why isn't she online? The answer is obvious, I'm busy!
What am I busy with?
Many of you already know that we,ve just bought a Tibetan Mastiff puppy. We already have a terrier, so the two dogs are pretty much the reason why I'm not online. Another reason: from this Wednesday I go to the annual vipassana retreat. This time with y daughter - her first retreat, very imporatant! She'll be 18 this September, so she was allowed to take part in the course with my permission. As I see, she is able to make it! :-)
See you after the retreat!
HAPPY EASTER!

Swedish meteorologists have surrendered

2008-02-25T06:52:00.000+01:00

It is officially spring in Sweden, at least the southern parts and the western coastline.
And this day celebrated the news by bright sunshine and fresh, cleaning breeze. I spent the morning with replanting some inside plants and yesterday afternoon I put a picture (collage made of watercolours) into frame, and on the wall, "Blommor" - Flowers in Swedish. So it is officially spring in the living room as well! :-)

Our webcam:

Happy Springtime!

Pink blankets for Brummi

2008-02-23T15:56:00.001+01:00

I bought 2 blankets for Brummi at the fleamarket on Friday. First Abbe thought it was cool to lie on them, then the cat, Yoda wanted to borrow them. Then Abbe came back. This was the result of buying 2 blankets for Brummi:

All right, guys, you have 2 weeks to enjoy these blankets, then comes the princess!